It was found that 90% of rapes and sexual assaults are committed by someone the victim knows. Let that sink in. You are more likely to be assaulted by a family member (24%), an (ex)partner (23%) or another known person (44%).
If 1 in 3 cases of rape occur in the victim’s home, then why are we told to not go out when it’s dark? Why are we forced to carry keys between our fingers? Why do we have to call our friends to make sure they get home safe? When really we are most likely to experience sexual violence at the hands of someone we know, someone we trust, that may live in our own homes.
That is where the narrative of 'stranger rape' comes in; from childhood onwards, we are
warned about stranger danger, but no one ever talks about the danger of people we actually know. This is further perpetuated throughout the media, where rape is usually depicted as a crime committed by an unknown man lurking in the shadows of an alleyway, waiting to
pounce on an innocent young girl.
However, I am sure this narrative does not accurately reflect what happened to you, because it definitely does not resonate with me. Of course, this is not to discount those who are assaulted by strangers, your experience is just as valid. But, it is important to remember that the majority of sexual violence is perpetrated by someone you know, and it is important to address this in conversations about rape culture in order to deconstruct this false narrative.
To read the facts about sexual violence perpetrated by acquaintances is terrifying and to be
assaulted by someone you know, shatters this view that you should only fear strangers
lurking in the shadows. It destroys your sense of who you can trust. Society blames victims of sexual violence that do not fit this narrative of "the perfect victim" and diminishes survivor’s experiences who have been raped at the hands of someone they trusted.
Why did you bring them back to your house? Why did you go on a date with them? But they are your partner, you owe them sex. Responses such as these are thrown at victims of sexual violence, making us doubt whether we did in fact deserve what happened to us. But, I can confidentially tell you that you did not deserve anything that happened to you. I believe you, no matter whether the perpetrator was a stranger, a date, a sibling, or partner. Inviting someone back to your place is not consent. Kissing someone is not consent. Being nice to someone is not consent. And most importantly your experience is valid and you did nothing wrong.
Written by Chloe Schneider
Edited by McKenzie Burnett
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